He was only 10-years-old when his father died, and Lil Eazy-E has hoped to create a life that Eazy-E would have been proud of. Back in 1995, a month after learning that he had HIV/AIDS, Eazy-E succumbed to the illness and passed away. Recently, Lil Eazy-E has been doing some remodeling on his grandmother’s home in Compton, California—the house where he grew up—and it forced him to take a walk down memory lane. He spoke with HipHopDX about returning to the home and looking at old family photos of his rap star father.

Lil Eazy-E
Bryan Bedder / Staff / Getty Images

“It’s just different. For example, I’ll let you know a little something of the funeral — I didn’t cry,” Lil Eazy-E shared. “You know what I mean? It was more shocking because you had these thousands of people around. It’s like, ‘Whoa, what’s going on?’ It didn’t hit me until you get actually home and get your own privacy like, ‘Wow, my father’s gone.’ I remember at Herman Memorial, hundreds of people were coming up to me and talking to me. You don’t have time to cry.”

Even with his tough exterior, the Growing Up Hip Hop star said he steals private moments to let out his emotions. “I have kids, so I find the best place to cry is the shower,” the husband and father said. “You get in the shower, let the water hit your face and let it all out. If you come out looking a little red eyes, ‘Hey, I got soap in my eye.’ You got to get away sometimes.”

[via]